Apple products spoil me

During a normal day most of the electronic devices I use are Apple products. I sit in front of a MacBook Air or iMac, I relax with my iPad, and my iPhone is my trusty companion when I’m out and about.

@antoniamoreno and I have just bought a house, and as a bit of a house warming gift to ourselves I bought a new TV and sound system. The manuals are horrendous. I feel like I’ve had an epiphany about how less technologically-inclined people struggle to understand and whinge about “Technology these days!”.

Here are a few choice quotes:

Automatically allocated programme numbers may not correspond to actual or desired programme numbers. If a channel is locked using the Channel Lock function, the PIN input window appears.

So you’re telling me the TV assigns programme numbers that may not actual be the programme numbers? What?!

Automatic Ordering and Others Ordering are available when antenna source is set to Air.

Glad to know I have the choice of “Others Ordering”, it sounds like the more useful one than the automatic one. Not quite sure about ‘Air’ antennas. As opposed to water ones?

DiSEqC Mode: Selects DiSEqC mode for the selected LNB.

Why even bother elaborating what ‘DiSEqC Mode’ means? Surely anyone interested in changing their ‘DiSEqC mode’ is either being told to do so or already knows what it is?

4:3 Screen Size (16:9 / Wide Zoom / Zoom / 4:3): Available only when picture size is set to Auto Wide. You can determine the desired picture size at the 4:3 WSS (Wide Screen Service) size or the original size. Each European country requires different picture size.

I’m sure there’s a better way of explaining this, but I don’t even know what it means.

xvYCC (Off / On) : Setting the xvYCC mode on increases detail and colour space when watching movies from an external device (e.g. DVD player) connected to the HDMI or Component IN jacks.

Surely there’s a catch?

LED Motion Plus (Off / On) for LED TV : Removes drag from fast scenes with a lot of movement to provide a clear picture.

Ditto above. If this is so good, why not just have it on all the time? (Answer: because it generally sucks to post-process images. This one just seems to make the screen darker)

DTV Audio Level (MPEG / HE-AAC): This function allows you to reduce the disparity of a voice signal (which is one of the signals received during a digital TV broadcast) to a desired level.

I actually bought this TV purely because it allows me to reduce the disparity of a voice signal to my desired level. So that’s good.

Select Line to obtain dynamic sound, and RF to reduce the difference between loud and soft sounds at night time.

Sorry what? Do I need to do this at night time every night? (this was under Dolby Digital Comp by the way) Or are you just telling me how to not annoy my neighbours?

You can attach your TV to your LAN by connecting the LAN port on the back of your TV to a IP Sharer which is connected to an external modem. Use LAN cable for the connection.

Translation fail. I have never heard of an IP Sharer but I think they mean a router. In the UK we tend not to have separate modems and ‘IP Sharers’ but who needs localisation!

After connecting the game console, set Game Mode to On. Unfortunately, you may notice reduced picture quality.

So, why should I switch Game Mode on exactly? This one is my favourite. I like the personal touch of ‘Unfortunately’.

For the detailed information about e-Manual Screen, refer to “How to view the e-Manual”.

This sentence was found in the e-Manual.

Media Contents only supports USB Mass Storage Class (MSC) devices. MSC is a Mass Storage Class Bulk-Only Transport device.

Sweetie, is my USB thumb drive a Mass Storage Class Bulk-Only Transport device?

The availability of both recording and the Timeshift function may differ depending on picture quality and the free space on the hard disk drive.

And the direction of the wind.

And that’s just the TV…

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